The Phrontistery

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Bob B's Bloody Big Lipogram

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I had said, in passing, that no WWW lipogram is as wordy as my main locus lipogrammaticus. Notwithstanding my bold affirmation, this was, fortuitously, but a passing victory. For now I upload a copy of a mailing from Bob B., who, with 1329 words in his posting, surpassing my 1137, boosts that quantity by a bunch. Congratulations! In addition, Bob rightly points out that my lipogram submission spot is sorrowfully thin. Oh, won't you aid us both in launching lipograms this way? Many thanks to Bob and to all you audacious souls who, daring to flout ordinary linguistic formations, and partaking in my unusual pursuit, risk submitting your lipograms. And now, Bob's mailing:

Salutations Good Sir:

It was most disturbing to find out that your lipogramatic championship location had only two submissions, both of your own authorship! I would think that a significant amount of applications would warrant posting, particularly allowing for simply omitting any symbols which do not crop up as oft as most.

Notwithstanding, I wish to applaud both this spot and your main dictionary for a dazzling amount of work, industry and inspirational vigor that is an intrinsic part of this compilation. Forthright’s has grown into a truly outstanding spot to visit, and is quality grist for any scholastic mill. And, although I am not in a class of articulacy rivaling your own, I had to grasp this fantastic opportunity to focus on your stunning innovation.

As I also boast a fascination with words, particularly archaic linguistics, (although only as a hobby) I find your anthology is a captivating pool of unusual and curious words, providing a wondrous romp through words lost to today’s common, slang slanting oral communications. It is most unusual to find a scholar who would do his utmost to inform a throng of curious linguists about a glorious vocabulary lost to Anglican oration.

As if that wasn’t satisfactory, you also show that a lipogram is an amusing and psychologically stimulating work out for your brain! Much thought is mandatory for concocting a practical and logical lipogram, and such drills will obviously aid in upgrading an individual’s rational acuity. A human that follows such sports may also build up a kind of immunity, and thwart that corrosion of thought which could harm minds that languish in ordinary day to day thought. Such is said of crosswords, acrostics and anagrams, so why not lipograms? I harbor no doubt that you can turn away that nagging ghost of caducity through this kind of activity.

And that is just an initial profit! As soon as you gain a firm insight into this wondrous world, imagination is your only limiting factor! You can summon an idiom that is just right for any situation, and you will always maintain vocal aplomb. You will own an outstanding vivacity, with wit and clarity to match! All rivals will bow to your first-class familiarity with your local lingo. Slang is yours to distain. And, to top it all off, you can bask in your linguistic authority, having faith without a doubt that your grasp of a patois puzzling to all and sundry is solid and substantial. Indubitably!

Ok, so that might amplify things a bit. But you will find a kind of joy in this activity. It can’t hurt to sound lucid and apply good locution. And that brain stuff sounds right, too.

I know, I know. I’m rambling. I can spout off with pompous articulacy at a pin drop, haphazardly combining a mish-mash of jargon which (usually) sounds rational (My amigos always ask, “What’s with all of your big words? It don’t astound US!”) but what about import? As you know, only so much is up for discussion, a factor that you so aptly point out in your lipogram introduction. A majority of words fall into an ‘off limits’ group. I could start naming land mass divisions or start churning out random profanity, but that just wouldn’t fly, would it? So, if you don’t mind, I will carry on with my garrulous ramblings.

So what shall I chat about now? World affairs? Too discouraging. Convictions of faith? I don’t think so. What do you think is a basic contributing factor in today’s global situation? Local climatic conditions? That’s what individuals traditionally talk about following an initial introduction, but, Hang it all! How BORING!! I could talk glibly about my situation nowadays, but that is horribly vainglorious, and I am also afraid that you would start snoring straight away. So I’ll pass on that also. What topics still stand? Not many, but, you did ask.

I was curious. Why is it that, as I add to this discordant mass of words (and do a short appraisal of your work, I might add), it starts to sound gradually sort of British? As if it was a composition (although, I admit that my crack at this is not a particularly good bit) by a minor author during a particularly vivid hallucination during which his imagination cast him as a truly bad dramatist who had cut his molars on an Oxford dictionary? Or it that just my imagination? I think it is a product of circumlocution. Trying to put your thoughts into words whilst sticking to lipogramatic policy prompts unusual grammatical options, which, in turn, morphs your customary compositional array into a totally haphazard form dissimilar to anything you normal portfolio. But I am probably spouting rubbish.

Anyway, as I said, I was just curious. I am not actually any author of any sort, although I might concoct a short story or a similar thing soon, (probably a fantasy of many individuals) if I can find an instant and also find fitting inspiration. Mainly, though, I just find words intriguing, and obtain joy in improving my vocabulary. I am continuously told that this is ‘sad’, but I am partial to it. (That’s not snoring rising to audibility, is it?)

So, on to additional topics. I am actually about to start haphazardly spouting random polysyllabic words just to add body and boost my dispatch’s bulk. Again, though, that is unfair. But I am having difficulty maintaining rationality, and this is surpassing my anticipations. An inclination to hopscotch from topic to topic with no logical chain of thought is obvious, and hard to withstand. So, I probably should start winding down.

In closing, I would say that this was a truly fascinating distraction. Turning your mind onto an original and invigorating path is not only fun, but also good for you. As I said prior to this in my communication, it will supply stimulation and clarity for you rational thought. And anybody can do it! All it calls for is a bit of imagination and a good book in which you can look up unusual words with a gist similar to words in your usual vocabulary. And application, application, application! All in good fun, naturally.

I also want to say again how happy I am to find a location that mirrors my own curiosity. In this day, a vast amount of information is to hand with a touch of a button. Sorting through this glut of data, though, is an additional topic. To fortuitously hit upon such a location is nothing short of amazing. And to actually play a part in it is most unusual!

Finally, if my word program is functioning as it should, and its word count has a passing accuracy (and an artificial construct of this kind is known for its accuracy – that, so it is said, is its main function) my communication is now approaching two gross and a thousand plus words, which was sort of its initial goal (just to show that you CAN talk about bit of math). And all without a turn-about schwa or a non-grammatical digit substitution in sight! I must say, it was and arduous probation, but worthy of a shot just for fun So I will now sign off, with a wish that all of your roads run smooth, your months carry on in bliss and joy, and you maintain an ongoing triumph in all of your actions. Thank you for a most civilizing opportunity! Maintain your high standards!

Yours truly,
Bob B.

P.S. - If you don’t mind, should you think this rampant wording worthy of print, omit my dot-com indicator from any posting. Thank you for this opportunity to oust my wayward ramblings. Oh and I found a word that can match your high glyph champ – floccinaucinihilipilification – placing at small or no worth – in your own dictionary! I trust that it is an actual word, and that it is not a humorous crack at a yarn fraud.

To Bob's inquiry about 'floccinaucinihilipilification': Though it's truly found in many a dictionary, including my own, thus making it an 'actual word', it's only a humorous compilation of Latin bits. Many might say that it won't do at all - but I'm not that strict or picky. Good job, Bob!

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